Final Fantasy Trading Card Game (2016-)

 

Jeebus, they photograph well. There'll be a clear image of Shiva, soon enough, worry not.

 

This certainly has some spoilers.
Avoid the labeled sections for the games you want to play yourself.
The part above the cut is about XIII.

 

I have wanted physical representations of XIII ’s Eidolons for…EVER.

Are there toys? Yes.
Are there problems with them? Double yes.

There was a non-transforming shokugan-esque line of them, but they did NOT look good. My (admittedly sometimes faulty) memories are saying that one of them was a chase figure, to boot. …Bahamut, I think. Yes! Final Fantasy Creatures Kai Vol. 3. Bahamut is indeed the secret rare, for the individual releases. Alexander is the one left out of the boxset.

The Play Arts Kai line was home to only two of them: Odin and Shiva. They are known to start breaking down as soon as you transform them. Once.

Whomp, whomp…

Even if they had made the others, they would have required parts-swapping. These designs were never intended for plastic, which is ultimately good, because it means the fiction came first, and marketing wasn’t able to mess it up. But, I WANTED six dollops of icing, dammit.

Enter the Final Fantasy TCG.

They’ve been releasing waves since 2016! I only found out about it, last week… I came across the XIII starter set, when randomly looking for XIII merch, on Amazon. Success, right?!? Well, it seemed so, but that deck is only HALF helpful, if you want cards for all of the Eidolons. Honestly less so, since I only bought two cards from it. Its contents are pretty damn scattershot. To ebay, it was!

There are two notable issues to be aware of, regarding this game/collection:

1.) As someone who was used to paying 15¢ for common Power Rangers cards, and around a $1 for (3 decades old!!!) X-Men ones, these cards are PRICEY. It has really driven home for me how niche, and small, the PR fandom truly is. Final Fantasy is a BIG deal. I get it; I’m part of its cult. Fanboy nutter, sitting right here! When it actually does come to marketing, Squeenix leans into delivering higher-end merchandise. The Play Arts Kai figures are HUGE. You don’t want to know how much complete Triple Triad decks can go for, and the ones I’ve seen could well be reprints! They sell statue sets. There’s that Terra; you know the one.

Positive Spin: These are QUALITY. The backs have a plastic feel; they’re matte, textured, and only bear the TCG logo. Classy. They do fit in holders meant for standard 35pt cards. The world-sized elephant in the room are the sparkles. A LOT of the cards have them. Their overwhelming, blanket density is incredible, but I can see them slamming headlong into some folks’ sensibilities, at a hundred miles per hour. I, for one, have absolutely no problem with them being ABSOLUTELY FABULOUS~

2.) This is a card collection that is still actively being added to—being created! A new wave just recently dropped. If you’re looking for matching ‘sets,’ you may be waiting a while yet for them to be completed. What I’m referring to when I say ‘sets,’ are things like the parties of each game and other kinds of linked groups like organizations, summons, creatures, bosses, etc. There are two preeminent examples to prove my point: There are no Yoshitaka Amano cards for either incarnation of Cecil, or a Tetsuya Nomura card for Squall. That is fuggen WILD, given that all of the other party members of IV and VIII, both permanent AND temporary, have already been made for those respective sets.

Positive Spin: Bandai of Japan and America were working with a franchise that is largely predicated on uniformity, for Super Sentai Battle: Dice-O and the Power Rangers ACG. The imperative to deliver homogenous cards, in an immediately successive manner, is far less pressing for Final Fantasy. That still doesn’t explain Cecil and Squall, though!


Can you wait? Can the world? I dunno, so you might want to make some concessions.

Let’s return to these Eidolons, specifically:

Once you’ve opened an image in the shadowbox, right-click and open it in a new tab, to see it full-sized.

There is indeed a Hecaton with clean, full-body art, to match Alexander, Bahamut, and Shiva; I just very much prefer the one I chose, instead. There wasn’t any benefit to going with the other, because there are no other Brynhildrs or Odins. Those are the ones you’re getting, at this moment in time. Unless you’re okay with Twilight Odin. I am not, as for me, the sequels do not exist. Stiria and Nix have sparkles. Do they ever. But, the cold holofoil look I got in the picture is so fitting that I went with it, without a second's hesitation. I was under the impression that Odin simply had an understated holofoil finish, until I double-checked for the sake of journalistic integrity (this was before taking the above photo, obviously). He has sparkles, too! I had to be directly under a lamp and shake him around to see them, but by g-whiz, he does have them. They look pretty great, to someone who is incredibly biased to colors being presented over a black background. He’s still the oddball, but I love him a whole lot, now. Hmm. Fitting. That’s how I feel about Lightning.

They all have textboxes bearing their elemental symbols. You can get some of them as full-arts, though. Don’t worry, you won’t, because those are even more ludicrously expensive! I’m choosing to believe that’s an upside-down magatama, because Alexander is not Wind. You try telling me, or any other FF fan, that he isn’t Holy. I feel like Bahamut should be Wind…because Highwind.

Fanboy bullshit aside, I’m telling you that between the sparkles and the textboxes there IS a DEGREE of uniformity. I’m happy. Incredibly happy.

I’ll be going DEEP, below the cut, detailing sets and assembling some for your my viewing pleasure 😜


2024 Update:

The new Hidden Hope set has the remaining two Eidolons, as illustrated by Toshitaka Matsuda (Alexander and Shiva)! I HAVE A FULLY MATCHING MATSUDA SET!!!!!!!!!!

4 Only Because of the Prices (That I’m Paying Regardless) out of 5

BMC Toys American Hero Collector Series: Authentic Bowie Knife (2022)

 

I'm going to excise my ramblings, leaving nothing but my assessment of the piece itself, since I have parted with all of my Silent Hill media.

It’s incredibly lightweight, could use some weathering, and shrieks a bit, if you squeeze the handle. I would say, ‘just don’t do that,’ and honestly you shouldn’t, but it can take it, if you’re in mind to do your own stress-testing. It’s akin to Leonardo’s katana, in that its equivalent of a hilt is similarly held together with screws. Twice as many as Mr. Blue Dye’s is, in fact. While the blade can take a decent amount of force, I’m not sure I agree with the packaging that 3+ is the appropriate age range; a particularly aggressive child could easily wreck this thing. For an adult collector, it’s a sure bet. I’d feel perfectly comfortable dropping it. It’s deliberately folding it in half that concerns me.

If you have the talent necessary to dirty this up, it will look a LOT better. Especially the handle, as it is molded to resemble wood-grain and has a number of faux screws to match the real ones, on the back. Wonderful for cosplay, or young, careful and considerate history buffs, given that there’s even facts about Jim Bowie and the Alamo, on the back of the card! Makes me want to visit a museum (and its gift shop) with Henry Rollins, in tow.

Suit Yourself Costume Co. Bloody Cleaver ()

I'm going to excise my ramblings, leaving nothing but my assessment of the piece itself, since I have parted with all of my Silent Hill media. 

Yeah, it’s HUGE. Good. 

When I pulled this out of the package, I was genuinely bummed out. If you aren’t aware, chrome has a tendency to flake off. I tried my best to avoid it like the plague, in my toy collecting days. Unfortunately, there is indeed a tiny spot that is already barren, on the back. There was a single hope, however: It was possible that this was paint. The company’s website does state that it is, “Molded & painted to look like [a] wooden handle with [a] blood stained steel blade.” I.e., not vac-metallized.

Still, there was that one spot… Figuring I had lost out, I did something rash: I scratched it VERY FUCKING HARD, for an extended amount of time, directly over and adjacent to the offending spot. Multiple times. Nothing. Nothing at all. It makes me wonder how that damage occurred in the first place. I’m genuinely in awe of the tenacity of this alleged paint. Meaning, I’m inclined to believe them.

I mentioned that this has a back. How exactly is that the case? There’s a roughly half-dollar-sized raised area, on one side. I imagine it has something to do with the manufacturing process. It certainly forces the hand of anyone who wants to display it, or take pictures with it. You’ll also have to hope that if you have any bare spots, they’re on the same side as the circle. I recommend purchasing it at the source, or from a seller that only has one of them, and the pictures show that the blade is still wrapped in its plastic bag, not simply nakedly attached to the backing card.

There was a bit of flash, in the hole of the blade, but I was able to swiftly remove it with no hassle. It pays to know that this is distressingly hollow. Though, that’s likely a boon, as again, it is quite massive. A review on their site says that it feels good in the hand, in spite of that; I completely agree. Another says that they managed to break it, “by the end of the night.” Yeah, it’s hollow, but I can only imagine it breaking if it was actually able to reach terminal velocity from a drop onto concrete…or, were they were deliberately hitting things and/or people with it? Don’t do that. I genuinely shouldn’t have to say that, but I know that I must. Bear in mind that non-human animals are people, and that this is for individuals 14+.

Also, don’t run your finger along the edge, as there are some very resilient burrs present. They aren’t big enough to draw the eye, but they are big enough to scratch someone. I’m glad of the former, because I would not recommend sanding this. That’d definitely remove paint.

I feel compelled to mention the gradient of the blood. It’s a deep plum, at its darkest, and ruggedly pink at its peak. I approve.

Having stress-tested the paint to the extreme degree that I did, I have to admit that this is paradoxically nice, in spite of its numerous considerations. It’s comically big, but it’s kitschy fun. Unlike that other piece of shit. Still, I may start finding paint flakes the next time I clean my cabinets, so I’ll enjoy it while it lasts. Whether that’s years, or simply months.

Just shy of June 2024 and we're still good. I'd say this is second to the Dolanus in terms of pieces I'm happy to keep, having left Silent Hill. It really is just a fun thing to heft, or simply see while walking by my cabinets.

Disguise Cleaver (2015)

I intend to have the camera issue sorted, for next year.
For now, I expect what I always expect: for you to (ultimately) make up your own damn mind. 

This is a case of a seller using pictures of a piece that is in better condition than the one that they end up sending you. It happens.

The paint on mine is pockmarked, marred, and inconsistent. All over, but notably on the spine. That’s where the only support rod resides, meaning the vast majority of the blade has a wobbly feel, in the weirdest of ways. Part of me wants to compare it to a slice of meat—a portion of filleted fish, to be 100% precise.

The handle has a few ‘cracks.’ I.e., places where the foam has split. This is honestly exactly the thing I was afraid of, when I was first purchasing foam weapons. But, they haven’t grown/gotten worse, over time.

YOU KNOW WHAT?!? I am sick and fucking tired of rationalizing everything. If something sucks, I'm going to say it sucks. This thing pisses me off. It's in horrible shape, and that's the seller's fault; not mine. I pay attention to feedback and reputation; I take careful note of the pictures used. This is not the one that was pictured. It does indeed happen, but that doesn't mean I have to be okay with it.

This is shit. Looks like shit. Feels like shit. Shitty shit shit.

0 out of 5,

X-Men '97 Wolverine Claws (2023)

 

Spirit, you spoil me~

You’re going to have to examine them carefully, because the three pairs at the first store I visited were scuffed-up pretty grievously. The next only had one set. They aren’t flawless, but none of my blades are. Compared to the ones at the initial stop, these are pristine. The sculpting is exactly what I’d expect. Top marks. They can flex side to side, but only if you’re applying that vector of force, to them. Even then, shaking your hand sideways barely causes them to move. They’re exactly as sturdy as I’d like them to be. They’re a dream, in this regard.

Their business length (i.e., past the knuckle curves) is 11’’.

As previously mentioned, my hands are decently large. These work, but with an important caveat: If I want them to properly hug the top curve of my hand, for pictures making them appear as if they are protruding from the skin on the back of my hand, I have to grip them with the lower parts of my fingers, at a higher position, as opposed to just holding the bars. In point of fact, the space provided for a person’s knuckles is too big for me, which is weird, because I figured these were made for kids. Even as someone who cracks his knuckles, I don’t innately fill them out. But, the effect is achievable.

The bars look pretty small (which is why I thought they were for kids), but holding onto them fully, knuckle-gaps be damned, is perfectly comfortable. It’s exactly how I’ve always imagined a pair would feel. Usually, when people have made their own, or gotten them from Etsy, plain metal or wooden bars are used. I am so ridiculously pleased that thought went into the fact that these will be sitting on a shelf, most of the time.

Will there be a second release, with his brown and yellow costume, in mind?

Could I get a set of bone claws with wifebeater-white and denim-patterned paint? Please?!


I’m not going to lie, purchasing these is invariably a gamble. You can kinda squeeze yourself in, to grip the bars, a little bit, when they’re strapped to the cardboard, but not fully. Not without wrecking the board. Don’t be that guy. Accept that these are a dice-roll. I’m enough of a whackjob fanboy nutter to have taken the chance. Partially because these are probably the best I'm going to find on a retail shelf, for the foreseeable future.

No, do not bring up Marvel’s equivalent of Decade/Gokaiger, to me.

Now, excuse me while I go order those Jubilee glasses…SOLD OUT. SON OF A…


4 Movies They Will Never Erase, No Matter How Hard They Try out of 5

Ju(n)da Toys Swat Team: Swat 9mm Pistol (mfg. 2023)

 

If you're going to get one of these, you're going to want to put some thought into how it will end up leaving your possession. I would NOT recommend donating it. Further, know that I have never answered the door with it in my hand. Heed that advice yourself. Don't respond to the bell with a Wiimote in your grasp, either.

I'm going to excise my ramblings, leaving nothing but my assessment of the piece itself, since I have parted with all of my Silent Hill media.

I was glad when the blue of the Dolanus pistol was darker than it appears in promotional photography, but this, THIS is what I’ve had in mind on this quest. It’s so goddamn good, man. Yes, I attempted to crudely color-correct the photo. It's deep blue, but looks alarmingly lighter under a flash, is the salient point. What you see is not only how it looks in my subterranean abode, but also how it appeared, in store.

It’s a similar mold to Spirit’s, but slightly more resilient. I would still avoid dropping it, but it genuinely does feel more sturdy. The battery door is actually flush with the bottom of the grip, on this one. That’s a definite aesthetic improvement. The sound seems similar to the orange’s audio clip, which is better than the black one's. I'm going based on memory for the latter comparison; if I'm wrong, tough.

THE SLIDE MOVES WHEN YOU PULL THE TRIGGER, JUST LIKE THE DOLANUS!!! And, it can actually be clicked into place, for display. DUDE!!!

There were two stickers on opposite sides to one another, on the barrel: One branding it, “Swat Team - Swat Play Set,” and one with manufacturing information. Peculiarly, it added an ’n’ to Juda Toys’ name. They came off cleanly with no hassle whatsoever. So did the price sticker slapped over the original valuation. Selling it for a dollar more than intended? Cheeky bastards. Even still, it was half the price of the others! What the hell, Spirit? It's almost like you're owned by a large corporate entity 😝

If you're buying this for a young person, I must mention that...whatever the hell this thing is, was in the box, as well:

Seriously, what is this? There's a warning for small objects on the box, yes, but this is the only small object, since the battery door is (insanely well) screwed on. I dunno. Adults and older folks should remove the item from the box, and dispose of thiiiis thiiiiing, before handing it over to the intended recipient 😦

Regardless of that weirdness, it's great, if you're in the market for this exact type of thing.

I fucking love bootleg toys 😂😂😂

Dolanus Summer Party Water Pistol (mfg. 2023)

I'm going to excise my ramblings, leaving nothing but my assessment of the piece itself, since I have parted with all of my Silent Hill media.

I have already been to multiple Spirit stores, this year. It’s crazy how early they chose to open. But, believe me, I am not complaining! From what I’ve seen of their wares, it appears that they are no longer selling the black M92Fs, only safety orange.

I completely understand.

I absolutely bought one, because I thought it may well have been my only recourse. Wouldn’t stick, so here we are.

I have to say that the world of watergun sales is an absolutely wild one. I almost think…well, you know the rest of this sentence. Weird text, almost every seller having suspiciously low feedback, different listings disappearing and showing up every day…

WTF.

There’s almost nothing wrong with this one, if you can manage to find the damn thing. It was the exact same price as Spirit’s, but the plastic is so incredibly dense, in comparison. Plus, you get three clips! They leak, EVER SO SLIGHTLY. Like a random, individual drop will show itself, here and there; not at all constantly. I hope you’re not thinking about playing inside with a watergun, to begin with. Both fill them up and play with this outside, IN YOUR YARD, NOT IN PUBLIC.

THE TOP MOVES WHEN YOU SHOOT!!!
No, I don’t know firearm anatomy, tyvm. The slide, it seems?

The spring mechanism holding in the clips doesn’t FEEL great, when being pressed, but it is surprisingly effective…unless you’re a lefty. Even then, just don’t squeeze the grip super hard. Once you have a clip drop out on you, you’ll be aware of how to handle it. And, unlike those translucent ones sold with other (usually battery-powered) waterguns, these won’t break from a person-level drop. As someone who has owned and reviewed a lot of toys, I’m telling you, the plastic is great. I was reliably able to get 40 shots from each. I’m impressed, based on the waterguns I’ve previously had in my life.

There is one bit of marketing exaggeration afoot: Those hilariously photoshopped pictures claim that it can shoot up to 32’. I would say it’s about 10’, at best. I’m fine with that, now, and I feel like I would have been fine with that when I was a child, too. If you’re not, then you’ll have to go with another item. *shrug*

The tip, the…ejection port (fancy~), and the trigger are orange. Also, the plugs on the bottom of the clips. Obviously, that wasn’t enough to bother me, as opposed to the other one, which was entirely orange, except for the trigger.

It’s a VERY nice size. I have decently large hands, and it honestly feels a bit big, in them. Good times!

I was happy with it for the short time that it was on display, and I’m honestly over the moon with it, now having actually used it! It's the piece of faux-weaponry I'm most jazzed about keeping, in the wake of saying goodbye to Silent Hill. Yeah, they sell pink ones, but this is a rare case where that just isn't the preferable option for me. I adore this more than I ever imagined I would.

Spirit Long Sledge Hammer (2023?)

The mechanisms inside the lens of this camera are borked; count your blessings.

OH, MY STARS AND GARTERS.
Hi Kelsey <333333333

I'm going to excise my ramblings, leaving nothing but my assessment of the piece itself, since I have parted with all of my Silent Hill media.

 

I would ask if you’re seeing this shit, but my camera is jacked up, so you honestly aren’t… It’s wrapped, and the visible parts are molded to look as if they’re splintering. It honestly doesn't even feel like foam; it's practically plastic. It's glorious.

I wanted a big-ass hammer.
At the time, I wanted something to indicate the fact that Travis’s weapons break.

It took a Pokémon-esque evolution path of purchases, but I finally found it.

This is the one.

Spirit Bloody Butcher's Knife (2023)

The mechanisms inside the lens of this camera are borked; count your blessings.

I'm going to excise my ramblings, leaving nothing but my assessment of the piece itself, since I have parted with all of my Silent Hill media.

There is an alarmingly accurate real knife, in this house, that I had on my weapons rack, for a few months. Do not follow in my footsteps, because it tried its damnedest to drive itself straight into my foot. Twice. While in many other regards I am assuredly the real-life incarnation of the greatest gambler to ever live, I wasn’t in the mood to go for broke, here. I was not interested in pressing my luck, any further.

Cue Spirit, previewing this year’s wares, on their site. Plastic? Not foam? Be still my heart~ The handle is…not the cheapest, but it is 100% basic. It’s like I’m back in Kindergarten, playing house. The blood splatter is similarly banal. Thankfully, the entirety of the piece feels more robust than their firearm; I absolutely feel comfortable dropping it. In fact, I intentionally did just that! Point-first, right onto my foot, to appease and reset the odds of the universe.

I’m not saying it’s life changing, but in a world where I’m being asked to pay $30 to pre-order a 6'' domestic Danhausen figure, I have suddenly realized that I’m living the dream. So, yes, at the very least I am saying that it’s wonderful, in its own very vanilla ways. Love that Danhausen, but I got my Buster Sword for less than that, man! You people still collecting new figures, in this current era, are getting screwed, without lube.

Costume weaponry and X-Men trading cards, forever!
Anthony Fantano is no friend of mine.

You dumbshit, you're collecting Transformers, again 😂

Mattel Aquaman Basic Figure (2018)

The universe finally brought me my Arthur!!!

I knew if I waited long enough, one would find its way into my life. This one appears to be the most basic issuance explicitly tied to the movie itself. You can also find it (with slight paint differences) in a 3-pack with Ocean Master and the Brine King. If you’re interested in that variation, follow in the footsteps of the guy who bid $0.01, not the one who splashed out $100~

There’s a single dot of paint missing from one of his gauntlets (presumably due to play), which I have absolutely no problem just living with, but I do have to mention that Mattel’s attempt at placing highlights into his his hair and beard is a little crude. That said, at a distance, it is better than Hasbro’s poop-smears from the War for Cybertron trilogy of Transformers toylines. We haven’t mastered the art of perfectly articulating characters with long hair, yet, but he can turn his head enough to look stoically into the distance at an artistic angle. I think that’s the best we can expect, at this point in time. Honestly, this is a shockingly good face portrait for a Western-released budget figure. It doesn’t seem to be outright faceprinting like Marvel Legends utilize, but there are glints of shiny life in his eyes.

Oh, and his forearms, here and elsewhere, look like corn cobs. You’re welcome~

He is supposed to come with the pictured, associated trident, but it was not present with mine. I’m going to be keeping an eye out for it, both at flea markets and on ebay. It looks to be incredibly pliable, but I do have experience with bending such materials back into their original positions, or user-desired ones. Speaking of which, the skirting pieces attached to his belt are a mite stiff, but Arthur’s joints are quite stern to match, if you'd like to warp them to accommodate a certain pose, over time.

Frankly, I am in utter disbelief of how tight they are, across the board, especially considering that my figure is a loose example, as alluded to. There is absolutely no doubt that he is going to stand proudly, true, and completely unshakable.

Also, ALONE. The matching Mera's face is incomprehensibly generic. Though, I've long been both resolved to and happy at the thought of Arthur being the sole figural representational of the film, on my shelf.

 I cannot describe how happy I am that this has indeed come to pass.

4½ Examples of Worthiness Through Simplicity out of 5

Hero's Edge Fire Axe ()

Camera is borked; this makes me laugh *shrug*

This contains something known to California to cause cancer or birth defects.
Ergo, don't buy one if you're pregnant or generally fearful.

This doesn't have a name, so I'm just using the one from the game.

Use your eyes and mind when shopping. You'll figure it out. 

I have faith.

I'm going to excise my ramblings, leaving nothing but my assessment of the piece itself, since I have parted with all of my Silent Hill media.

It's a great piece, in spite of the objective criticism that I'm ultimately going to deliver; I have no intention of giving it up, unless a friend happens to ever want it.

Unlike the Rusty Axe, the handle on this one is rock solid. I can't squish it for the life of me. It might as well actually be wood. It's incredible! Especially compared to the one that I checked out at Halloween City, last year. That one had a cold, clammy, gummy feel to it. I imagine it would degrade and get full-on sticky VERY FAST. Avoid that one!

 

DON'T HIT ANYONE OR ANYTHING WITH THIS, OR SWING IT LIKE AN OLYMPIAN, BECAUSE EYE-RELATED CATASTROPHE IS 100% POSSIBLE. Yep, the head comes off just the same as the other one, and you can swap them if you are so inclined. I don't think they look good reversed, but you do you!

The blade absolutely needed more paint, right on the edge itself. Red is poking through throughout, down the length of it.

As such—and as with the Rusty Axe—I'm pleased since I got it as cheap as I did. Unfortunately, the (lack of) paint on the blade makes it such that I don't recommend getting this for full price,.

Hero's Edge Rusty Axe ()

 

This contains something known to California to cause cancer or birth defects.

 Ergo, don't buy one if you're pregnant or generally fearful.

 

It doesn't have a name, so I'm just using the one from the game.

Use your eyes and mind when shopping. You'll figure it out. 

I have faith.

 

I'm going to excise my ramblings, leaving nothing but my assessment of the piece itself, since I have parted with all of my Silent Hill media.

 

Not gonna lie, it's really good. There are some things worth noting, but the short version is that this is amazing, given the hefty discount I received on it. At full price? If you REALLY REALLY want one, sure. Yes.

The handle is ever-so-slightly squishy and there's a few small paint blemishes afoot, on the visible parts. There's a world of difference between slight imperfections and damning problems. I only found the former. Visible is a key word, because the head is removable, and will probably reveal some paint streaks, as there are on mine. However, the friction of the foam is quite formidable, and other than deliberately sliding it off by hand, you'd have to swing this as violently as a real axe, to get it to fly off. It certainly can, but you have to MEAN it.

 

Don't beat anyone or anything with it, and to avoid eye-related catastrophe, DON'T SWING IT LIKE AN OLYMPIAN.

All of this of course means that you can swap heads with some of the other axes in the line, if you'd like.

Again, it's great at a deep discount, but if you're taken with it, it's probably worth full price. Unlike this other axe in the line.

BladeBuilders Basic Return of the Jedi Luke Skywalker Lightsaber Heather Mason Beam Saber (2017?)

I'm going to excise my ramblings, leaving nothing but my assessment of the piece itself, since I have parted with all of my Silent Hill media.

A little while back, I was visiting one of my favorite flea market stalls, and saw a familiar sight: the vacuous back-end of a BladeBuilders Lightsaber. Except the blade was nowhere to be seen… Turns out they released a basic version without sounds, meaning there was room in the hilt for the blade to completely retract into!

SOLD!

I alluded to it ever so briefly in my review of the electronic variant, but what sells me on Luke’s Jedi saber are the colors of lower-tier versions of it. High-end replicas accurately recreate the lathed-out, delicately rendered area below the emitter, as well as its copper coloring. Cheap ones? They fill it in and slather it with orange paint. Yeah, it looks crude, but I’ll take crude and solid over daintiness any day of the millennium.

This specific version is much more of a costume accessory than a fully-featured toy…on its own. Since I shamefully failed to mention it in the other review, the open end is designed to take connector pieces that allow you to Frankenstein different sabers together. Obviously, this exact one didn’t come with any, but it doesn’t seem that new examples will, either. I remember that the electronic one came with a single connector, but there are some sabers that come with multiples. I’m not going to rain on a child’s creativity just because I’m an old curmudgeon. It’s a neat system, even if it isn’t for me. And, the empty end ports have never bothered me. A gimmick that doesn’t significantly compromise a toy? Be still my heart~

The only complaint I can personally lodge against it is that the pieces of the blade nest together in a specific way. Though, there’s no actual harm to them being crammed in willy-nilly, as thick and robust as they are. A kid is free to have stress-less fun; I’m the one who has to take a minute to fiddle with it, to get them all satisfyingly aligned, as pictured.

No rest for the anal-retentive.

Nicky Bigs Novelties Sledge Hammer ()

I'm going to excise my ramblings, leaving nothing but my assessment of the piece itself, since I have parted with all of my Silent Hill media.

In having (and having had) painted foam weaponry, for a number of years, at this point, I can happily report that they hold up much better than I originally assumed they would. If you handle them with care and gently dust them, you should be fine for a decently long time. In spite of that having been learned, I obviously still prefer plastic, if it's an option. It's who I am.

The head of this thing is a mite horizontally loose, but you have to deliberately torque it, or swing it violently, to notice. Normal handling and display would never give that away. It comes in two pieces, but there are a multitude of raised plastic mounds within the overlap that resemble tiny ramps, arranged in successive stages. I.e., the connection is absurdly good and I do not recommend trying to ever take it back apart. My previous hammer had the grandeur of its paint to thank for it appearing bigger than it was. This one looks decently long, because…it’s decently long…

For a costume party or display, I can certainly recommend this.

Hitting someone will assuredly harm it, instead of them, though. Since being replaced, I've been using this to inflict some pain on inanimate objects, and I've tried it on myself, to boot. It can definitely sting, and it can survive some plastic curling due to impaction. DON'T HIT PEOPLE OR THINGS WITH IT. I'm kind of impressed at its durability, in spite of:

20…SAME YEAR UPDATE: I noticed that this thing is not straight. The bottom half is warped. I can rotate it and the head, but no dice. It has become an irksome entity, through and through.

I give no shits, because the universe has provided the perfect replacement~