Spirit Long Sledge Hammer (2023?)

The mechanisms inside the lens of this camera are borked; count your blessings.

OH, MY STARS AND GARTERS.
Hi Kelsey <333333333

I would ask if you’re seeing this shit, but my camera is jacked up, so you honestly aren’t… It’s wrapped, and the visible parts are molded to look as if they’re splintering. This is a literal physical representation of what happens to Travis’s weapons. We’re talking about a PSP game, so you don’t actually see the progressive damage, but mathematically it’s there. This is what you’d see if they were to remake graphically update 0rigins for PS5.

I wanted a big-ass hammer.
I wanted something to indicate the fact that Travis’s weapons break.

It took a Pokémon-esque evolution path of purchases, but it’s finally here.

This is the one.
This is EVERYTHING.

5 Long Overdue Realizations That We're All Crazy out of 5

Spirit Bloody Butcher's Knife (2023)

The mechanisms inside the lens of this camera are borked; count your blessings.

There is an alarmingly accurate real knife, in this house, that I had on my weapons rack, for a few months. Do not follow in my footsteps, because it tried its damnedest to drive itself straight into my foot. Twice. While in many other regards I am assuredly the real-life incarnation of the greatest gambler to ever live, I wasn’t in the mood to go for broke, here. I was not interested in pressing my luck, any further.

Cue Spirit, previewing this year’s wares, on their site. Plastic? Not foam? Be still my heart~ The handle is…not the cheapest, but it is 100% basic. It’s like I’m back in Kindergarten, playing house. The blood splatter is similarly banal, but if you’re familiar with the movie, you know that Rose things being bathed in crimson is always a winsome cherry to receive. Thankfully, the entirety of the piece feels more robust than their firearm; I absolutely feel comfortable dropping it. In fact, I intentionally did just that! Point-first, right onto my foot, to appease and reset the odds of the universe.

I’m not saying it’s life changing, but in a world where I’m being asked to pay $30 to pre-order a 6'' domestic Danhausen figure, I have suddenly realized that I’m living the dream. So, yes, at the very least I am saying that it’s wonderful, in its own very vanilla ways. Love that Danhausen, but I got my Buster Sword for less than that, man! You people still collecting new figures, in this current era, are getting screwed, without lube.

Costume weaponry and X-Men trading cards, forever!
Anthony Fantano is no friend of mine.

3 Horrific Hospital Bills Handily Avoided out of 5